Pinball always fascinated me
the vibrant sound of the ding
that raises dopamine levels
I imagine myself not the ball
but the buffer — I am not on a path
that needs constant movement
required from that oversized
dragée being bumped
from buffer to buffer

A quiet silence
weaves through the blurry
static in my mind
in the middle of the storm
connection finds me
I think I’ve lied to myself enough
there is this private side of me
who fears repercussions
being honest
means admitting to myself
I’ve always known
and hidden a piece of myself

As much support as I’ve had
over this last year it has been
truly immense, from various

Fortitude allows for resilience
although an unchartered core
it has just dawned on me
there is nothing that needs
to be proven

A moment if you will
worth is a fluid concept
each day I’m able to bounce
back and forth between worlds
it so much fun, hard work,
that is a distinct over-pour
of passion

The only person
I MUST prove my worth to
is myself. Yes, those I love
are essential, although I refuse
to level up just to show someone
I can — doing anything
of the capacity
for someone else

Now that to me is a MASSIVE
pile of worthless. Should
that person disappear
what occurs? Life will
not melt away, people survive
that is not my desire
a simple acknowledgment
survival is a necessity

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