Vignettes

Pinball always fascinated me
   the vibrant sound of the ding 
that raises dopamine levels 
   I imagine myself not the ball 
 but the buffer — I am not on a path
  that needs constant movement    
  required from that oversized  
        dragée being bumped 
      from buffer to buffer 

 A quiet silence 
    weaves through the blurry 
 static in my mind 
       in the middle of the storm 
   connection finds me 
I think I’ve lied to myself enough 
   there is this private side of me 
   who fears repercussions
      being honest 
  means admitting to myself 
     I’ve always known 
and hidden a piece of myself 

   As much support as I’ve had 
over this last year it has been 
   truly immense, from various    
         sources 

  Fortitude allows for resilience 
although an unchartered core 
  it has just dawned on me 
there is nothing that needs 
   to be proven 

   A moment if you will 
worth is a fluid concept 
  each day I’m able to bounce 
    back and forth between worlds 
 it so much fun, hard work, 
     that is a distinct over-pour 
            of passion 

     The only person 
          I MUST prove my worth to 
     is myself. Yes, those I love 
          are essential, although I refuse
   to level up just to show someone 
       I can — doing anything 
            of the capacity 
        for someone else 
  
    Now that to me is a MASSIVE 
         pile of worthless. Should 
   that person disappear 
        what occurs? Life will 
   not melt away, people survive 
      that is not my desire 
          a simple acknowledgment 
      survival is a necessity