TWISTED DRINKING GAME: VALENTINE’S DAY EDITION! DAY 13, FLASHBACK TO THE BEGINNING: FOR THE 245th ANNIVERSARY OF THE GLORIOUS REMOVAL OF CAPTAIN JAMES COOK FROM EXISTENCE ON FEBRUARY 14, 1779 BY LUKE YOUNG AND RANIA M M WATTS

The ships were gone at last
Their stinking carcasses of wet wood and copulating rats gone
No longer befouling our harbor with their lustful gazes and floating refuse

Before departing we took their leader

Claiming him in order to correct the error of his existence
He: The symbol of their pathetic virility 
We freed his eyes from the tomb of his head and set them on a mountain So he could watch his men flee 
Cowards that carry death in their hearts and smell of toe rot and sour liquids

We broke all the bones in his hands 
So that those like him will always eventually fail in all they set out to do

We flayed his feet
Knowing the hot sands of our home would cause agony and remind his people to leave 
We filled his bellybutton with ants 
So that the earth gods would know our intent with evil ones like him 
Eventually his shrieks and screams faded as the gods took his voice 
Not long afterwards his spirit left his body

It wasn’t enough
We could feel his evil still wandering 
Looking to feed on us
Calling to it’s friends 
That were eventually going to return
But at least we had the first victory and the first laugh at their arrogance and pompous fragility