I wanted to write a poem 
with regards to how badly
you ruined me

However, I’ve decided to scribe one with regard to my evolution instead; how is that for growth?

Winter 1990: The land of the forbidden mixtapes, New Order, Pet Shop Boys, and The Cure, GALORE. The hardship of two sides, and a brief pause to continue the musical odyssey.

Fast Forward Summer 2022: An original antique iPod Nano with NOTHING but Tony Moore music; on
my way to what will be my academic home for three years. Save the Day, Dear Me, Only Love Can heal you. Tranquility.

A heavy rewind to Summer 2003: Offered the capacity to discover song upon digital song and my back then piano playing fingers. Evanescence pulls me in a direction I am unable to resist. My immortal.

Rewind even further Winter 1991: New Order found its way during my Carrie moment in high-school. A strange figure thought to not care revealed true emotion. Remarkable decades later that day was relived in another format.

Proceed 50 feet, Summer 1992: Art of Noise blares over tremendous tickling. Laughter and cigarettes, barracudas and chemical logs! Climb a micro mountain and attempt to be fearless. I Will Remember You.

Press HARD pause, Fall 2022: Beyond compare Silent Lucidity presents itself in the oddest moment. Desperado offers a state of affairs that takes me to 1995.

Go back of a couple of decades, Winter 1995: This man walks into my life, strictly platonic yet a profound connection. One who had been maimed brutally in the past. Desperado played a critical role. He was an easy read a book with LARGE printing. Intent & pain.

Potentially with the capacity
to create mixtapes as quickly
as I can create words.

So many thoughts.
Each moment offers,
it’s been slowly seeping in

This time and space
offers solution
via the one vessel
I should trust most
my own

Is it selfish to hold space
for my soul?

To hold it in a fashion others
are able to do so for me
free of judgement.

I can hear toxicity skulking
behind corners, the Id’s
evil red optics,
appear to battle
no one is that authentic
to which I say “you have my pity
step to the left you stupid
walrus; you are not welcome
to carry space here.”

I reach for my Samurai sword
fight through words of distrust
to understand how truly
cemented and free
I am!

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