Pissed as hell!

Research with purpose
awareness solidified
yet my mistress of doubt
says you are wrong
you are stupid
you are unaware
you are unable to distinguish
and defend the response

Trepidation rears its ugly face
a myriad of questions
occupy my mind

How am I to not only survive
but excel, not good enough
houses a defective blueprint
to conceptualise hope

Each time I begin to contemplate
confidence I’m knocked back
to the residual child, big brown eyes
attempted concealment behind
your calf. Although I’m not
that child; not anymore

I’m a grown woman
the responsibility is mine
to stand strong; even though
many days I want to crawl
into a ball and wither away
for half a second

Once that moment
is over a fight ensues
to be better, stronger,
and bolder.

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