Pissed as hell!

Research with purpose 
       awareness solidified 
   yet my mistress of doubt 
    says you are wrong
       you are stupid
          you are unaware 
     you are unable to distinguish 
         and defend the response 

 Trepidation rears its ugly face
      a myriad of questions 
  occupy my mind 

   How am I to not only survive 
       but excel, not good enough 
    houses a defective blueprint 
 to conceptualise hope 

    Each time I begin to contemplate 
  confidence I’m knocked back 
 to the residual child, big brown eyes
    attempted concealment behind  
        your calf. Although I’m not 
   that child; not anymore 

    I’m a grown woman 
  the responsibility is mine 
    to stand strong; even though 
       many days I want to crawl
     into a ball and wither away   
        for half a second

    Once that moment 
  is over a fight ensues 
    to be better, stronger, 
         and bolder.